It makes sense that it took a rant and a rave to wake me from my blogging coma. I have already raved about my smallest of small epiphanies (my last post) and so now let me begin my rant, immediately.
School.
Arrrggghhh.
If only I could talk myself into just stopping there. I'm trying not to project onto/from my daughter but I have to say that so far I've HATED it. It's just so much crap. They tell you crap, they teach like crap, they expect too much crap, they require crap and in return, your child acts like crap. Life the last week and a half has been miserable for both me and my 5 year old kindergartner. The once happy, easy going, social, people pleaser has turned into a nightmare. And in a lot of ways, I don't blame her. It's a rigorous 5 day a week, 5 hour schedule where she has to spend time with a majority of kids she doesn't like and who are generally bad mannered and a teacher who yells when she gets overwhelmed (especially "at all the boys who never listen to her", as quoted from my daughter. Who, by the way, has total anxiety when the kids get in trouble and considers it a "very bad day" when anyone is yelled at, even when it isn't her). This is on top of the fact that she never eats lunch so she comes home tired, hungry and extremely cranky. Her melt downs have been every other afternoon due to mental and physical exhaustion taking over her small body and a loss of complete control.
I know, transition is the name of the game. It will take a little while but she'll get used to it. But I have to say, I'm having a hard time transitioning too. People are usually excited when their kids go to school so they have some extra time. Bull. I've lost more time in my days since she's been at school than I ever did when she was right by my side! I miss my freedom. I once scoffed at a blog entry my sister wrote about having to be on other people's schedules. I now envy her tenacity and vigor in which she fights the system, nonconformism is starting to grow on me. I feel bad that my 5 year old is already learning the need to be somewhere at a certain time doing something in particular. I guess when it's me telling her, it's no big deal. But when it's someone else, I'm finding it harder to think it's all that necessary.
Don't get me wrong. I know the school system is overcrowded, overworked and under financed. I know the teachers try hard, work hard and know the methods. And I know that parents are generally dropping the ball when it comes to morals, manners and responsibility. And I know that this is almost like a right of passage for small children everywhere. I did it, she can do it.
So why why does it feel so wrong?
